MOVED.

2006-11-19T21:27:00.000+08:00

I'VE MOVED.
I'M SORRY!
http://jazz-irvette.livejournal.com/

lame

2006-11-10T11:00:00.000+08:00

ok. the very lame 3E3-ians are currently having a conference convo on MSN.
AND, we are all in the same room.
How LAME.
Yeah.
But i still love em!
---
VAL is currently blogging about me blasting my music.
Get over yourself VAL.
---
Cos you had a bad day.
---
Perfect.
Cos we lost it all.
Nothing last forever.
I'm sorry i can't be perfect.
Its just too late.
And we can't go back.
I'm sorry i can't be perfect.
I am sorry. I am.
---
That day is coming nearer and nearer.
I want it to come.
And i don't want it to come.
I don't even know what i want.
---
I'm afraid of what i may do,
What would you do,
What's going to happen,
What am i going to feel,
What are you going to feel,
What are we going to mean,
What do i mean to you?
---
Cos we've lost it all,
Nothing lasts forever.
But i can't forget.
---
MOVE.
---
Make time to play.
Make plans to smile.
Only to end up with a sad tale.
---
Am i ever going to be good enuogh for you?
Are you going to ever love me like i love you?
Is there a reason why i'm not seen, invisible?
Is there a reason why i see only you, and no one else?
Is it supposed to hurt this bad?
Am i supposed to spend all my time thinking about you and only you?
Are times like this supposed to be so bitter?
Am i the only one that feels confused, lost?
Is there a reason why i can't do anything?
Is it because i'm not doing enough?
Or is it because i don't love you enough?
Or is it because i love you too much?
Tell me, give me a sign.
I NEED YOU.
---
VAL,
You know what?
Maybe i should have let you smack me afterall.
I feel like crap.
))':

- you held me close and made me a promise,
i cried with you,
i smiled with you,
i'm with you.

too many tries.

2006-11-08T09:14:00.000+08:00

Someone once told me that love is always found where you least expect it.
Maybe so.
I'm not even so sure myself.
---
School is boring.
STUPID extended studies.
FOR THREE DARN WEEKS!
And i'm having lessons at the com lab EVERYDAY.
WAS fun.But now its not.
DAMN.
I used to look forward to going to the com lab,
Now,
I don't really care anymore.
((((:
---
Kimberly is mean.
She's staring at the computer as I type.
How retarded.
:D
hahahha.
But i love her all the same!!!
((((:
---
Val is studying her stupid BIO now.
And the last time i checked,
We are currently having Chemistry lesson.
-.-
PAY ATTENTION DAMNIT!
---
Khai. You are so distracting you know.
You never stop singing.
All the weird songs some more.
And i don't even know what language are you singing.
You're really weird.
But i love you my chair man and lab partner!
(((:
<333!
---
CHEM.
i hate chem.
And i really want to stick a foot in ___'s mouth.
Just so you know,
She thinks she's so funny,
but she's NOT.
NOT i tell you!
-.-"
she's always telling stupid jokes.

new e mail.

2006-11-06T20:07:00.000+08:00

just so to let the people who hasn't added me on msn for my new email account.
its:
peanutbutter_jazz@hotmail.com
yeaps.
its the peanut butter craze! (((:
love you all dearies!!!! (((:

tell her.

2006-10-29T19:10:00.000+08:00

did you ever tell her that you love her?
---
this sucks.
friday, sick.
saturday, sick.
sunday, sick.
i'm sick.
this sucks.
)):
---
first,
there was the smile.
then,
there was the look.
then,
there was the promise.
then,
i'll tell you.
GO AWAY. YOU'RE ANNOYING ME.
---
great.
my life is just great.
okay.
yeah.
two funerals on the same week?
my parents are oddly nice to me.
like i know something is going to happen?
i mean,
my mother cooked today.
my dad came home at 4 am today.
my mom didn't wake my dad up to send her to game today.
my dad went off with his sister to the funeral before my mother came back,
and my mother came back, ask me if my dad ate dinner, when clearly, he didn't because she asked me, "Jazz. there's still rice in the cooker. did your dad eat?"
okay. this is really weird.
and i'm freaking out.
maybe i'm over reacting.
or maybe not.
somehow.
i'm too tired to care.
i mean,
i don't even care any more,
if i have friends, or not.
if i'm pissing anyone off.
i mean,
just leave me ALONE.
---
i don't feel like eating chocolate.
that's saying something.
---
i'm too damn tired to think.
i am. really.
i am.
will someone help me?
no. guessed so.
no one can help me.
all they can do,
is pity me.
yay.
---
extended studies.
DAMN.
i really don't want to go to school.
i really just want to enjoy my holiday like i really am having a holiday.
---
i was worried today.
i was.
past tense.
now,
i don't care.
---

-pity. i don't need you.
so, you can just pack your bag and get out of my life.
(:
TOODLES.

oh right.

2006-10-16T22:03:00.000+08:00

yeah.
oh right.
training today was,
i dunno.
boring?
yeah.
i expected more la.
maybe because there are just too many people and too little helpers.
yeah.
i suppose so.
it's never like that on sunday's training.
there's just the right amount of helpers.
so no one gets to really slack off.
with training,
he's the only one.
so i guess its kinda hard huh?
yeah.
---
niiways.
there's school tomorrow.
checking and returning of scripts.
the dreaded days.
arrgh.
i really don't want to go to school tomorrow.
but i don't really have a choice now do it?
yeah.
NO.
sighs.
today is one weird day.
i suspect my period is coming around.
i'm acting really weird.
PMS.
mood swings.
yeah.
arrgh.
pissyyyy!!!
yeah.
---
don't know what to say.
never meant to feel this way.
don't want to be alone tonight.
what can i do to make you mine?
fallen so hard so fast this time.
what did i say,
what did you do?
how did i fall in love with you?
i hear your voice,
and i start to tremble.
i cannot pretend that we can still be friends.
don't want to be alone tonight.
want can i do to make you mine?
i've really fallen so hard for you.
---
its a day nearer.
i'm so scared.
yeah.
its like judgement day.
---
i don't want to live this life.
i don't want to say goodbye.
with you i wana spend the rest of my life.
---
i'm scaring myself.
yeah.
i must be.
what other explanation is there?
i find myself falling for you more and more.
---
everything's changed.
but please remember me.
---
i'm tired.
---
the best of friends.
we understand,
we'll never be alone.
those days are gone.
now i need you so much.
---
i don't want to be alone tonight.
---
MOODSWINGS.
to hell with them.
i hate this feelings.
---
those memories.
they bring back the chills.
i need you here to hold me tight.
where have you gone?
---

-i've fallen so hard,
it hurts plentiful.

guess what?

2006-10-15T21:12:00.000+08:00

i'm prolly going crazy thinking about 'it'.
yeah.
darn.
what would be nice now is that 'it' stops invading my mind.
everytime i try to concentrate on doing something.
'it' pops into my mind.
DISTRACTING.
arrgh.
but i hope things will be alright.
i mean.
who in the right mind would want things to go wrong.
yeah.
but i really want to enjoy myself there.
bleah.
---
i want to do something.
no wait.
i NEED to do something.
before my mind goes crazy.
i need to keep it occupied mans.
---
training tmr at VJC.
don't feel like going.
didn't go for trng on fri and sat.
bleah.
then mr wong today gave me a heart attack can.
i was walking into the shop,
and i didn't notice him sitting at the counter eating.
SHEESH.
and you know his voice is so loud and sudden hor,
and i was still half asleep cos it was too early for me to wake up,
he suddenly spoke.
OMG.
"WHY YOU NEVER GO FOR TRAINING HUH?!!?!?!"
i tell you,
i froze and my heart skipped a beat mans.
gosh.
nearly fainted.
some more i dunno what to tell him.
"oh. i didn't go for training because i went for cycling?"
or
"it was too early."
or
"i was sick." (hell yeah i was)
NO WAY MANS.
he'll skin me alive.
then cook me.
yeah.
so i was like.
"er. you know. er. yeah. cos. er."
then in the end i just greeted him and ran out of the shop.
HAHAHA.
so clever.
hahahah.
i'm so smart mans.
i just hope he doesnt remember to ask me tomorrow.
hahaha.
training training training!
sianded.
---
niiways.
thank you to you mr putttyy ttatt!!
hahaha.
he's so KAWAII mans!
so much more kawaii than you.
hahaha.
anways.
your gf is freaky.
she's too overprotective of you mans.
it's freaky!!!
hahahaha!
dude.
you need to get a life.
hahahaha.
---

-life is but a waste of time.

cycling

2006-10-14T15:23:00.000+08:00

WHEE.
ok. i didn't have the time nor energy to blog yest.
but it was so fun.
((:
HAHAHAHA.
---
for once in my life,
i'm not being the one that's baby sitted.
AWESOME!
hahahaha.
anways.
went to east coast with Nat and Val.
GAY.
it was darn gay.
first thing the both of them told me was how bimbotic i look.
WHATEVER.
at least i cycle better than you!
(:
anways.
first,
we took sometime deciding what kind of bikes to get.
not me anways.
NAT AND VAL.
yeah.
apparently my poor deluded NAT has not ride a bike in 5 years.
yeah.
5 years.
so pathetic.
but anyways.
she was brave enough to get her own bike la.
so we let her get used to the idea of cycling for a while before we actually started cycling around.
HONESTLY.
i thought the day would end fine without injuries.
i mean,
about half an hour more and we'll return our bike.
but my my my.
our dearest NAT decided to fall down.
and honestly,
I'M SO DAMN SORRY!
yeah.
cos i kinda rolled over her legs i think.
HAHAHAHA.
SORRY!
(:
yeah.
and me being such a kind soul and motherly figure,
of course i helped that pathetic girl that was sitting on the floor.
aww.
so sweet right?
i cleaned up her knee area la.
GAY.
yeah.
anways.
it was still fun.
---
the two no-sense people decided to come to my house.
right after we biked.
yeah.
and what the hell?!
my room was like i dunno what.
a hurricane walked through it or something.
yeah.
cos my mom conveniently come and take her stuff into my room and bunk with me.
-.-
thanks alot mom. FOR ASKING.
not.
yeah.
she didn't ask.
what ever.
so yeah.
---
anways.
i'm really sianded now.
i'm supposed to wait for the person to come to my house to fix the router(sp?) for the computer downstairs.
ah heck.
i just want to go to sleep.
yawns.
sleeping is addictive.
yeah it is.
(:
---
anyways.
i'm going to enjoy myself by staring at the ceiling.
toodles!
(((:
---

-did anyone try too hard?
well i guess i did.

what ever

2006-10-11T18:04:00.002+08:00

exams are over.
i guess i'm supposed to be happy.
i'm happy, yeah i am.
i suppose.
but its just not right.
something feels wrong.
yeah.
i'm feeling moody now.
bleah.
---
its a day closer.
i want to scream.
i don't know what to expect of it.
i'm excited,
yes i am.
but i don't want it to happen either.
arrgh.
i'm driving myself crazy.
blardy bleah.
i'll spend my time missing you.
---
back off,
cause' you're crowding my space.
you need to get outta my face.
why don't you get outta my life,
get outta my sight,
get off oh my back.
---
i'm pissed.
i'm so angry i think i'm gonna have a fever.
arrgh!
somehow,
i think my mom is crazy.
i tell her to donate about 10 dollars can already.
she take my card and went around to collect money,
now i have about 50 bucks plus.
ARRGH!
sheesh mom.
laxing.
---
"i hate people who talk alot, and think they know everything in the world."
there's only one answer to that.
TEACHERS.
---
i need to stop sleeping so much.
it's gonna kill me one day.
---
i'm going out tomorrow.
yes dude.
i am.
(((:
hehehe.
can't wait!
---

-there's only so much you can do.

happy birthday

2006-10-08T16:04:00.000+08:00

anways.
exams.
stink.
):

ok. i'm kinda in a bad mood and all.
yeps.
so.
---
minna mitte!
(everyone look!)
HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY TO YOU RACHEL!!!
(p.s: please don't notice that its belated.)
(((:

lalala.

2006-10-02T15:36:00.000+08:00

anyways.
today was crap in school.
yeah.
crap from the beggining.
first, i couldn't get my stupid contact lens into my eye.
NEVERMIND.
i refuse to get upset with something so trivial.
then i got really upset when i attempted to talk to my dad.
i was telling him that i wasn't wearing the contact lens.
and he was shaving,
so all he said was,
"contact lens? what? oh. go and wear! so late already!"
*rolls eyes*
yeah. then school.
was crap.
i seriously felt like killing someone in the second period.
chinese. sheesh.
then recess.
kana violated by that stupid tessa ong.
AAAAHHHH!!!
I'M DISFIGURED FOR LIFE!
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU KISSED ME!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
yeah.
i'm so glad i punched your toots!
(:
hahaha.
yay.
kays.
i'm tired already.
the new arrangement in my room makes it so that i can't really type without being too tired.
so yeah.
i'm gonna go sleep and dream some more. (((:
buaiz peeps.
oh yeah.
read what's below.

conclusion of the day:

WONG JING YING IS BLARDY SLOW!!!!

BUT I STILL LOVE HER ALL THE SAME HONEY!

bleahs!

2006-10-01T11:28:00.000+08:00

WHEE. SINCE SOME PEOPLE MISSES ME SO MUCH. OH WELLS. I SHALL BLOG BLOG BLOG THENS! (kays. there's something wrong with my stupid keyboard.) YEAHS. ANYWAYS. GOOD LUCK YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE MUGGING LIKE ME AND TRYING YOUR BEST NOT TO MURDER YOUR SCHOOL TEACHERS! GO GO GO! THE JAVANAs, LEMME SAY, DON'T BE SO STRESSED OUT KAYS! WE'LL BE ALRIGHT. I HOPE. (: WE'LL TRY TO ALL GET PROMOTED WON'T WE? WELLS, MY DEAREST EVELYN, YOU'RE A REALLY SPECIAL AND SMART PERSON, DON'T BREAK MY HEART ALRIGHTS? YOU BETTER DO WELL TOO. (: I LOVE YOU HONEY BUNNY! (; JIA YOU HAO MA? IF IT MEANS CHASING YOU BEFORE EVERY PAPER YOU TAKE, I WILL DO THAT, ALRIGHTS? MUAH! SOPHIE! JIA YOUs KAYS! TO MY DEAREST TK BADMINTON TEAM, WE ROCK, RIGHT? WE'RE A BUNCH OF BAD GIRLS WHO LOVE EATING MINT AND WE PACK A TON IN OUR PUNCHES! (: YEEE-HAHHH!!! JIA YOUS MY DEAREST FRIENDS OUT THERE. YOU'RE LOVED! BY THE ONE AND ONLY JAZZZZZRRRREEEEELLLLLL!!!! (((: <333! HEN AI HEN AI NI MEN!!!!! KAYS. TIME TO MUG NOW DEAREST. BLEAHS. BUHBYE! (:

er

2006-09-15T22:53:00.000+08:00

be happy always.
because i made this mistake.
and only i alone need to carry this burden.
its because of my lack of courage that we're at this state.
don't be unhappy any more.
cos its not worth it.

heart.

2006-09-15T21:16:00.000+08:00

i'm not sure where or how this may go.
i'm not sure whether i have made the right choices.
i could be right, i could be wrong.
if i'm right, then that's good.
and well if i'm wrong,
there's nothing left to do but try to fix it.
isn't it?
yeah. i guessed so.
all i want is happiness,
for both you and me.
but if such an option is for me to choose,
then why isn't it presented to me?
i just hope you will give me time.
i know its been so long,
and yet i''ve not done a single thing,
or seem as though i don't care,
as though i don't think about you at all.
i do. all i ask for you,
is for you not to change.
at least not so much.
it frightens me so how you've been different now.
i'm not sure why,
but it scares me so.
the way you try to be too happy.
i've change on my part too.
and i'm sorry.
'what i love about rivers is,
you can't step into the same river twice.
the river's always changing.'
and so are the things around you.
i can't ignore the feeling that's stirring in me,
i know i have to do something,
but i can't.
i don't have enough power to change what has been,
'should i choose the smoothest course.'
or do you still wait for me,
dream giver,
just around the river bend.
wait, wait for me?
---

-listen with your heart.
you will understand.

sick

2006-09-14T20:54:00.000+08:00

didn't go to school today.
whee.
stayed home and sleep,
sleep,
sleep.
yeah.
more sleep.
feels so good, and feel like i should sleep some more.
SLEEP!
love it.
---
and since i haven't been to school,
nor was i out,
i haven't got much to say. sighs.
---

15 more days.
what can i say?

-got to love to live,
got to live to love.

haha!

2006-09-10T20:40:00.000+08:00

training was funny.
ok. see yeah.
me and chloe were sitting around while waiting for our turn for multi la.
and so, we looked at the next court,
and chloe's nigel was playing.
so i happily pointed that out to her.
and she said i was the one who liked nigel.
no offence to you nigel.
but yea.
so i said,
"Chloe, try to control your raging hormones a little will ya?"
and
MR WONG SAID THIS(he eavesdropped!):
"Jazreel ah! you ar!! can you stop it or not!"
ME:
"Stop what?!"
Mr Wong:
"Whole day look at guys!"
Me:
"Its Chloe!"
Mr Wong:
"Meh? I thought your hormones got problem?"
Me:
*fumes and point at chloe who was laughing her ass off.*
"Its her lo! not me!"
Mr Wong:
"Please lah..."
and he won the arguement,
*snap* just like that!
i got nothing more to say.
im so innocent ok.
and my hormones are functioning just alright!
i am only in love with one person kay!
i mean,
yeah.
i am.
grr..
sorry ar nigel,
paiseh.
hahaha. blame chloe for it.
---
AHHH!!!
TT, i have no idea that you're thinking you know?
he confessed his love for you!!!!!
get together!!!
(((:
congrats hun!
you're loved!!!
FINALLY.
hahah. not like i didn't la.
but yeah.
(((:
---
Y-O-U are making this hard
You got me tossing and turning can't sleep at night
---
ahhh!!!
ok.
i know.
everyone is probably sick of me saying this already.
I'M IN LOVE!
wahahaha!!!!
---
okay.
today was quite freaky.
dad drove me to pick mom up after he picked me.
so we saw my mom's weird friend.
i tell you,
she's SO scary.
"AIYOOOO!!! YOUR DAUGHTER SOOOO BIIIGGG ALLLREADDDYY ARRRR!!!!! AIIIIYYYOOOO!!! SOOOO FOOORRTUUUNNATTE!!!! SOOO TALLLL!!! SO PREEETTYYYY!!!!! *touches my hand and hair* AIIIYYOOO!!! GOT BOOOYYYFRRIIIIEEENNDDD ALLLREADDDYY RIIIGHHTTT? AIIIYYOOO!!! DDOOON'T HAAVVEE HOORR, CAANN TELL AUUNNTTIIEE!!! MMYYY SOOONN ISSS 17!! AIIIYYOOO!!!! *pinches my cheek* (i hate people when they do that) SOOO FAIIIRRR!!! (personally, i think i'm quite dark ok!)"
yeah. i nearly screamed when she suddenly run to me.
i mean,
she's this short pudgy women,
who's weird,
and loves to screech.
ewww.
---

-the way you move your body boy.
so suggestive.
ooOoo.
sluuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrpp!

right

2006-09-09T22:21:00.000+08:00

kays.
toooodddaaaeeee.
was so boring.
i mean,
hospital trips are soooo boring.
bleah.
and i got whacked in the head for being blunt,
YET, i was merely stating the facts.
ADULTS.
bleah. who wants to understand them?
weird.
and i'm gonna grow up to be like them.
whee.
fun.
---
wanted to go to TM today.
but then,
my mom decided that bringing my grand dad to the hospital was fun-ner.
what ever.
so yeps.
screw it.
---
LALALA.
i think i'm in love.
whee.
haha.
ok.
scratch that.
i AM in love.
(((:
<333!
hahaha.
riiight.
---
got a proposal today to do board fashion.
as in,
life size paper dolls as presentation of idea.
i mean,
it's kinda fun huh?
but that's so much work.
so i thought a while about it.
to turn down or not.
i mean,
its a cool chance isn't it?
yeah.
probably.
so i thought about what i had to do if i did the job,
i mean,
i'm getting paid for it and all,
BUT.
here it is.
i have to find and contact people to make the life-sized paper dolls(which is loads of work i tell you),
design them(the exact size and proportion. dude, you don't want to mess with paper dolls. they are creepy.),
design clothings for them to wear(this part i don't mind),
make a whole proposal thing(this part could kill me),
make sure everything is done by 19th of sep for presentation(if i took the job, consider me dead already).
HELLO?!?!
i've got EOYs,
AND.
i am rather busy in trying to catch up on work.
so yeps.
i turned down the offer to make money.
not sure if its the right thing to do since i need the money,
BUT.
at least i won't be spending ALL my free time trying to make paper dolls,
and mind you,
the clothings that the paper dolls are supposed to be wearing are to be made of cloth.
i mean,
hey, i thought paper dolls wore paper clothings,
but what ever.
so yeah.
too much work for me.
i'm lazy.
(((:
i'll just have to wait for another chance for them to call me again to do some other stupid thing.
yeah.
that's the spirit girl!
and hope that the stupid secretary person like thing doesn't go crazy trying to listen to my explanation why i don't want to do it, on voice mail.
hate those things.
yeah.
((:
---
someone help me,
its not healthy.
---

-if you think that your life sucks,
well hey,
look around you,
you're in hell,
and damn,
we're in it together.

bleah

2006-09-09T16:08:00.000+08:00

blabber blabber.
mom is mean.
and i am tired.
don't even see the reason why i'm blogging anyway.
but well.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAT!

yeah.

2006-09-07T22:40:00.000+08:00

I don't need a lot of things,
I can get by with nothing
Of all the blessings life can bring,
I've always needed something
But I've got all I want
When it comes to loving you
You're my only reason,
You're my only truth
[chorus]
I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy
From Heaven's gate
There's a freedom in your arms
That carries me through
I need you
You're the hope that moves me
To courage again
You're the love that rescues me
When the cold winds rage
And it's so amazing
'Cause that's just how you are
And I can't turn back now
'Cause you've brought me too far
---
URUSAI!!!!!!
URUSAI!!!!!!
BAKA TEME!!!
CHIKUSHO!!!!
ZETTAI BAKA!!!!
KURO!!!!!
DOOSHITE!!!!
grrr...
i'm close to killing you,
you teme!!!
hrrruuummmppphhh...
---
anyways.
had my match yesterday against macey and vanessa.
whee.
what can i say?
they are good.
and we lost.
but hey,
we didn't do so bad ba.
((:
and i saw him.
and i melted.
literally.
ok. yeps.
maybe not.
KAWAII!!!!!!!!!!!
ok. yeah.
he's cute ne!!!!?!?!
kays. (:
yeah. and sharm,
you're darn mean,
its just looking,
it won't kill you,
and i bet you were dying to look too!!!
(((:
anyways.
there had got to be someone who has been telling kor kor simon things.
things that are not true.
first it was Wayne.
i mean,
Wayne? he has a girlfriend already!!!
i think, i saw him at..
i forgot where, somewhere before with his girlfriend or something.
(:
clever. (((:
hahahaha.
anways,
new rumor.
my most hated enemy.
Adrian.
oh yeah.
i mean, SOMEONE had to put those thoughts into his head right?
i mean,
eeeeww.
adrian?
nuh uh. *rolleyes*
the guy who nearly kicked my head off in what,
P5 or P6?!?!?!
grr.
i should hate zongren for that too.
all the mean, gay people.
-.-
anyways.
i'm still melting with that picture of him in my mind.
((:
hehehehe. (((:
wheee!!!!!
---
-.-"
did i mention?
i had a nightmare of vacuum cleaners.
whee.
evil things.
hate them.
--

-say it to me once more,
so i may relive that moment once more.

ahhh.

2006-09-06T08:57:00.000+08:00

ok. this morning is one crap morning.
i hate hate hate hate vaccuum cleaners.
i mean, they are so loud!
ok. maybe im kinda scared of them.
but then again,
they are irritating aren't they?!?!?!
and my mom,
happily woke up like at 8,
and started to vacuum the room?!?! ARRGH!!
so i woke up and shouted 'shut up!'.
and she's so stupid...
*animefall*
-.-"
she came into my room with the thing still on,
and said,
'sorry jazz, 5 minutes more ok? sorry sorry. go back and sleep.'
AAAARRRRRRGGGGGHGHHH!!!!
WHAT KIND OF WEIRD, SICK, TWISTED WORLD DO I LIVE IN?!?!!
MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeps. and i screamed my head off.
blasted vacuum cleaners.
i hate you.
---
whee. now that i'm done ranting early in the morning,
i'm going back to sleep!
nights! erms, mornings!
(((:

-its nothing but a dream,
that i woke up crying in.

i don know.

2006-09-03T21:09:00.000+08:00

today was basically tiring.
training,
training,
and more training.
i mean.
there's limit to what i can take you know.
ok.
obviously not everyone knows.
AHH.
my muscles are so achyyyyyyy!!!!!!
---
darren came over today.
so cute!
the first thing he did after abruptly waking me up by jumping on my bed,
was demanding that i let him use my computer.
so i turned it on,
and he sat in front of the screen while it switched on.
and i fell promptly asleep, again.
so i guess, the little twerp tried many times to think of the password to unlock my computer.
BUT.
he'll never guess what it is.
no one has ever.
so why him?
hahaha.
so he yank me up again.
and i typed the password and tried to sleep.
BUT.
his STUPID games are so noisy,
and he keeps cursing,
i had to stay awake.
so i resorted to studying,
when that didn't work because he kept asking me questions,
i tried reading storybooks.
i mean,
i borrowed the books from the library for a reason right?
yeps.
so i took the book 'Dead Reckoning'.
and started reading.
but my DEAR cousin just had to disturb me.
'Jazreel jie jie!!! The stupid dragon won't die!!!!'
so i said,
'kill it.'
i mean, what was i to say?
the game was lame in the first place.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT TWERP SAID!!?!?!?!
'JAZREEL JIE JIE! YOU'RE SO LAME AND STUPID. I ALREADY TOLD YOU THE DRAGON WON'T DIE!'
*faints.*
yeps.
i nearly strangled him.
sometimes,
im glad i'm the only child.
gets lonely sometimes,
BUT.
at least no one calls you stupid and lame.
---

-its a present!
open it.

friends?

2006-09-02T22:54:00.000+08:00

it feels like God's telling me to talk to you.
to befriend you.
to take you out of the shell.
to break the barrier you've so carefully build up.
its an urge to reach out to you.
but i know well that you'll push me away.
i try not to look,
but your eyes betray you.
don't you ever realise?
your eyes speak for you.
and i saw today truly,
that there's hope afterall.
but you just refuse it.
sometimes maybe,
you feel lost,
you feel angry at the world,
you feel like the world should just throw itself into a blender,
and blend themselves to oblivion.
you want to speak,
you want to reach out,
you want to try,
you want to love,
you want to care,
you want to feel wanted.
its not wrong to feel like this.
its not wrong to want to feel human.
its not wrong to want what everyone else wants,
acceptance.
you were not like that since you were born.
no one is born vile and hateful.
love is what created you.
or have you forgotten?
but something changed you.
something made you bring the hostile side of you out.
something made you like this,
like a beast.
like you didn't have a care in the world,
when in truth,
all you want is to be accepted for who you are.
someone has tried to reach out.
more than one i know.
but nothing they do would make you a changed person,
for good or for bad,
unless you take their hand and let them guide you.
what Yimin said was true.
you can either do something,
cooperate,
or die without accomplishing anything.
i don't want to die lonely,
what about you?
why wouldn't you want to try?
try to take their hands when they reach out to you,
when they try to yank you back into God's presence,
and His love.
no one can force you but you.
make a choice.
don't regret.
if you need a friend,
you'll never be lacking one.
i'll be there.
for real.
and this time,
no whacking.
i'm serious.

-could it be He told me that i needed to reach out to you,
because you were someone in need?

why.

2006-08-31T22:14:00.000+08:00

it just hurts so much to know that i am no longer in that special spot in your heart. it hurts even more when i still hold you in mine. i don't know what i did wrong. all this misunderstandings. you know and i know that i'm not that kinda person. maybe its only an excuse. and excuse for you to feel better because right now, i am no longer your sister anymore. only makes me think how insignificant our friendship was. because i really treasured what we had, a friendship. i thought we were really the sisters that God forgot to give us. but i forgot, maybe, God didn't make mistakes, we weren't supposed to be sisters like we thought we should. our friendship really meant so much to me, hell, i didn't even think i could go a week with you ignoring me like what you did. but you know what? i'm so stupid. i always fail to realise how much of an IDIOT i am to believe that it was gonna work. we were gonna be sour at each other for a while, and then we'll realise how stupid we were, and reconcile. apparently not. i thought wrong. i am truly amazed at how your heart works. you really surprised me. i never thought i could feel like that. i didn't think i was in the wrong, in some way. in some way you think i am. i know that what you think, or heard was not true. you know that, but you just don't want to acknowledge that. i mean, honestly, this is the first time i ever experienced you doubting me. and it bloody hurts because i know that no matter what you say, i would not doubt you, at least, not in that aspect. i told you once, i assured you twice, i sweared trice, but apparently, it isn't enough. it just never enough right? i don't know what i did wrong, or what i apparently HAVE BEEN doing all my life? yeah. maybe im one big sadistic bitch. but not in that way. and you make me sound like i've been doing that all my life. well im sorry. but i don't do it on purpose. being friends with you have been pressurizing, but i had my fun times, gossiping and all. sometimes i just wonder too, maybe it was all an act all this while. hah! stupid jazz. people change as they grow. it hurts to know, yeah, but they do. and all you have to do is sit and watch, and try to accept, put on a brave front, pray and hope that your acting skills are good, and then maybe, life would be much better. i hope you know that even though i'm really upset and feeling shitty now, somethings just don't change.
you know i'm stubborn as hell mostly. you know i have my prideful times. you know i would love to have things my way, most of the time, and this is one of those times.
i don't want to give in, but i would, if there was a chance.
but its funny isn't it? my hearts telling me, this chance would never come.
uh uh. definitely not after you read this. NOPE.
FAT CHANCE.
have fun with your friends. i'm sure you will. (there i go, being a sacarstic bitch again, as usual. well pardon me, that's who i am.)
all i want to know is WHY.

-But it's not so bad
You're only the best I've ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I've ever had

spoilt

2006-08-30T19:50:00.000+08:00

Spoilt brat.
The two words that make me think i'm crazy.
Ahhh!
you're killing me you know that?
I hate you.
the irony.
i think i love you.

-in a way that's different from who we are.

what ever.

2006-08-29T21:08:00.000+08:00

honestly.

WHAT EVER.

you left without warning,you didn't even tell me about her.you peft me when you thought we were over.now that you know,what can't you do to her,what you did to me?selfish love.that just goes to show how insignificant i was to you.no matter what you say about how much i meant to you.

---
i watched as my value in your heart dropped,i watched as hers increased.it killed me to know that,we were so easy to break.now i'm no longer your one and only.your "true love",your one top priority.there you go with her,hand in hand.

---
but i know that look,that look that you gave me when you loeft.'you've had your fun', pity, and that hateful look that you didn't love her anymore.not like you used to, or supposed to.i pity her now, i truly do.you lie.to me, to her, to the world, to yourself.'you'll never change.' a fact i've gotten used to.you always think you're doing someone a favor,by intending to love her, make her feel loved.but in fact, you're hurting her.you loved me for all the wrong reasons, and i, you.you have no right to say,for i've loved you till this day,you were my first love,my first reason,my first wish,my first desire,there is nothing more in this world i could ask for.i thought you loved me.hah.but that doesn't matter anymore.i wasn't enough. i'm not enough.i'll never be enough for you.i wouldn't change myself for you.first love. it's so hard to forget.how you do expect me to forget?the times we had?our existance together?the times i laughed and meant it?FORGET IT? ALL OF IT?i'm tired already.trying to 'forget' all these.what ever.

---

i tried so hard.
but 'trying so hard' will never be enough huh?
it's ok.
i don't feel upset.
i don't feel like i should give up.
in fact,
i don't feel anything.

-know all about you,
and all about the sick things you try to do.

sisters.

2006-08-28T20:03:00.000+08:00

i don't know what to feel anymore.
i just know that i still do love you.
sisters or not.
friends or not.
if our friendship was so brittle,
that it'll break to pieces just like that.
i dunno.
go figure it out yourself.
i don want to give up on a friendship like that.
i never wanted to.
i never did spoil people's friendship on purpose.
i just do it.
maybe i try too hard to be accepted.
maybe i'm a pest in your eyes.
maybe i shouldn't try.
but i know that,
i don't want us to be sour at each other.
i love you no matter what we've become.
no matter what you think.
"she only thinks like that now, wait till we become really bad."
i don't really care. since when have i?
sisters are forever.
believe it or not.
if i have to change,
i will.
i'm not upset at you.
maybe at the point of time.
but, i'll get over it,
and i have.

-what is worse?
to stick a chain saw up your ass?
or to have your face grinded by a train?

CRIME!

2006-08-27T22:05:00.000+08:00

TYING YOUR HAIR IS A FREAKING CRIME:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVXQZMQYHQo

DRINKING WATER IS A FREAKING CRIME TOO:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tloue8dZ2BE

YEP. EVERYTHING YOU DO IS A CRIME.
WHAT TO DO?
SINGAPORE IS A FINE CITY.

(((:

-there's more to life than worries.
i love everything about you,
even your flaws.

baby. iloveyou.

2006-08-27T15:13:00.000+08:00

There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach.
---
Today was quite gay.
Woke up early today for training,
but basically,
my mind was still sleeping during training.
and training totally sucked.
I mean, ya.
it just did.
and stupid nigel.
you're so gay.
you know, after you send me that msg about that guy,
i couldn't stop smiling,
and my dad asked me after training whether i had a boyfriend ok.
i mean, seriously.
i wana kill you.
who sends a message like this:
"Just got some serious lecturing from ah ____ bro. What a dick."
I seriously wanted to laughed out loud at the last sentence.
gay. GAY.
:D
and by the way,
i think you're still 4 years old.
HAHA!
---
anyway. i'm home now.
gonna recharge my batteries (i run on energizers according to that crazy shit).
so that i can stay up tonight to talk,
gossip,
chill out,
and whack people.
LOVE YOU GIRLS!
<333!
---
You walk in and my strength walks out the door
Say my name and I can't fight it any more
Oh I know, I should go
But I need your touch just too damn much
Lovin' you, That isn't really something I should do
I shouldn't wanna spend my time with you yeah
Well I should try to be strong
But baby you're the right kind of wrong

-You know the world can see us.
In a way that's different than who we are.

greattt shit.

2006-08-25T22:05:00.000+08:00

alright.
today has gotta be one of the shittiest days of my life.
whee.
stupid hormones.
i dunno what the hell is wrong with me alright.
i mean, its not normal right.
at least, i know thunder thighs is experiencing the same thing as me.
thanks dudette!
(((: and sorry for making you cry too.
i'm bad influence.
((: heh.
---
anyway, here's what.
the whole thing is wrong now.
i stepped in at the wrong time,
did the wrong turn,
clapped when i shouldn't have,
smiled when i should have cried.
damn, i'm stupid.
anway. i'm an idiot.
yes i am.
i mean, come on, not everyone has the talent to spoil things between friends.
btw, i don't really think its a talent, its a curse.
seriously. )):
anyway. today was just one suckky day.
ALTHOUGH.
training was more or less alright. i guess.
i didn't get scolding,
i didn't do the wrong thing,(hopefully)
basically, training didn't suck as much as school. yeps.
---
you never said that you loved me so
till the day that i let go
i was waiting for the chance to say
that you've been the only one for me
maybe somehow,
i'll get over this loss.
but all that's on my mind now,
is just ways that i can try.
ways to forget you.
there's too much pain in love,
i can't take more of it.
there's just too many things to do,
so much to fufill.
you never looked my way,
i could only watch the time tick away.
i did it all to make you see,
how much of love i have in me.
but you'll never see,
you never had,
and never will.
you walked into my life,
brightened up every corner of my heart,
filled up the empty spaces with promises
you made me smile when i am sad,
you made me cry when i am happy,
you made me go crazy over you.
but when you slammed that door in my face,
i knew there's was nothing else i could do.
i watched you from my window,
hands on the small of her back.
you were laughing, smiling, flirting with her.
i felt my hearbreaking.
'is that true love?'
now i cry with i am sad,
i smile when i am happy.
i'm just a normal average teen.
i don't know what to do.
confused;
i can't forget you,
but i'll try.
i'll try real hard.
because i didn't just love you.
i was in love with you.
i don't think i can forget you.
no, not now.
---

-imperfection.
that's just the way you have to accept me,
imperfect and flawful.

bestfriendsareforever

2006-08-24T18:20:00.000+08:00

we'll play and have fun,
do crazy things together,
fall out,
cry,
bitch about each other,
but i'll still love my only sister.
thanks for being there for me when the freakiest things happen.

we could just sit around,
hang around,
chill out,
but not talk,
yet i know,
every minute and second spend with my bestest friends,
are the happiest days of my life.

<333!

- this feeling's like no other
i finally found,
what i've been looking for..

uglies and pretties

2006-08-22T20:30:00.000+08:00

Today was gay. School was pretty much the same gay thang too. (((:
First period was geog. Bleah. What else. I can't even remember what she taught us. Hah.
Bio. Mrs Ngin showed us some ppt, that was, quite sweet.
Yeps.
CA period was interesting, all the way to recess and chem.. Whee! I don't mean the lessons mind you.
During Ca period, Mrs Loy came in to teach us A.maths. Apparently, we're too far behind, or too lousy. which ever. Then thunder thighs needed to shit, so she raised her hand to ask for permission. I half expected a squeaky and tooth-gritted reply/shout/whatever, with of course her famous weird look and a firm "NO!". but she didn't. Mrs Loy actually let thunder thighs go to the toilet. WTH?! yea. but it was a good thing she did. thunder thighs saw some really suspicious girl in 3e2 classroom, and being the nosy parker she is, she stayed outside the toilet to look for a while, but that girl didn't leave the classroom. a sec 2 girl actually. so thunder thighs went to shit first, i mean, when you have to go, you have to go, there's no stopping you. and when she finished her business, she supposedly expected the girl to have left, but NO. that dumb girl was still in the class, looking into some girl's bag. when the girl saw thunder thighs (i'm not sure if its because of thunder thigh's ugly looks, or thighs or what ever.) she stood still for a while. shocked i must say. (why do i sound like i'm thunder thighs? reassured, i'm not. im thunder boobs.) so then, before our dearest thunder thighs could say anything (which is a wonder), a squeaky, funny, tooth-gritted shout came from Mrs Loy (rolls eyes), asking thunder thighs why the hell was she in 3e2's classroom. when thunder thighs told Loy about the girl, the girl was already sprinting a marathon at the 2nd level and running away from crime scene, although, nothing was stolen. heh. ok. this is the exaggerated form. (((: hope you loved it.
And, thunder butt was caught by mdm khoo during recess. that stupid girl. (((: HAHA.
the rest of the school day was just boring. BORING.
---
after school, went out with ASSET and piority to PP for lunch. And i swear, half the time, piority and I were being paranoid, making sure that dumb block didn't "shoplift" anything by accident. knowing her, she coudl shop lift the whole shop and not realise it. then asset left for her tuition. yea. then piority and I went to the library. I borrowed 2 books. UGLIES and PRETTIES. sound so bimbo. but i swear, they are great books. (((:

In a world of extreme beauty,
where anyone normal is ugly.
What happens when perfection isn't good enough?

-there's one to you from me.
love you uglies out there.

dude. you're not funny.

2006-08-21T22:07:00.000+08:00

You know dude, I don't know if you're supposed to be funny.
But I need to tell you,
you live in a deluded world where no one cares if you think they are not worthy enough to be on this face of the earth.
AND, you're not funny at all.
You should try taking classes.
It'll help.
I think.

;)

I don't care what you think (Girl, put your records on)
You can go kid yourself ( Tell me your favourite song)
You can assume all you want to (You go ahead let your hair down)

That's for you dude. I hope you enjoy. Take care. Toodles loser.
And by the way, you're really immature. Try to think back and reflect dude.
No one's perfect, definitely not you.
I hope the deluded world you live in is deluded enough for you to be accepted as,
ahem.
NORMAL.

(((:

TOODLES!

-i don't give a *beep*

-.-"

2006-08-14T23:23:00.000+08:00

Today's quite screwed up la. ok. VERY screwed up. Everything is going wrong wrong WRONG. seriously. ok. I'm tired. oooh. Look at the time! I'm gonna go sleep now.. whee..
A.maths CA tmr. FUN fun FUN!

Sick Joke of the day:

Ben: I'm not gonna buy that bag.
Me: Why? Waste my time only. You suck!
Ben: Seriously? I always thought that was a girl's job.

SICK SICK SICK. IT TOOK ME SOMETIME TO REALISE WHAT HE SAID. AND I'M NOT STUPID OK. NOT NOT NOT.

JaVaNa BooButThigh

Figure that out you genius.
hurhur. (((:
love you all loads!!!

-Jaz to the reel!
I say Jaz and you say Reel!
Jaz! Reel!
Jaz! Reel!

(really, its the self obsession.)

hahaha!

2006-08-06T13:06:00.000+08:00

hahaha. school's been rather fun. ok. maybe because of some things that are happening in school. but then again, i just can't stop smiling everytime i think about, well ya. ok. you'll probably be reading this anyway.
what ever dude.

the VA-JA-NA-HO.
what can i say?
we just sound like a sick bunch of people.
VALENCIA
JAZREEL
NATASHA
HO EUNICE
yea. abit weird huh?
there's another version:
VA-JA-NA HO-SA!
its gay la. stupid sabrina la.
anyway. i'll blog more next time.

i dunno. but i realised that some really stalkerish person has been visiting people's blogs and making weird comments to their owners. and honestly man, get a life. no one cares about someone as ugly and desperate as you. and i'm sure as hell my best friend ain't the least interested in you. so, do your thing, F**K OFF!

-ain't no other man but you.
unfaithful.

worst day at school

2006-07-27T22:23:00.000+08:00

today's such a bad day.
1. bad hair day
2. badminton photo taking
3. serious case of PMS on my part
4. tried to slack my afternoon away, but failed miserably
5. fell and twisted/sprained my damn ankle
6. got nagged at, reaching home at 10 plus
---
honestly.
is the whole world against me?
sometimes i just hope when i ask this question,
someone would actually answer me.
someone who can give the answer.
i really don't know what's worse that could happen to me you know.
i can imagine.
me dying in a car crash?
whee.
that'll be so fun.
NOT.
---
school was more or less boring today.
everyone was falling asleep in the lessons.
i think it was because of the geography field trip yesterday.
the sun must have gotten to us.
arrgh.
no one gets the point that there's a reason why i choose an indoor sport.
seriously.
the sun's EVIL.
i mean it.
EVIL.
anyways.
whatver mans.
---
i really don't know what to do.
i don't want to hurt you.
i don't know what's right, right now.
i don't know if this is what you call love.
or is it something called pity, sympathy, or just something else.
there are so many different comments,
so many different opinions.
i'm scared to make the wrong mistakes.
right now i just want us to be free you know.
but there are too many complications for us to be free.
there's just too many people watching and talking.
no one's leaving us to do what they have to do
-minding their own business.
all i have left to tell you is that,
i never want to hurt you again.
i don't want things between us to be bad.
i don't want you to be sad.
there's too much things to be said,
but i'm too scared to say.
there's nothing wrong with you,
its me.
it may seem to be the best picture,
but as technology advances,
the picture gets better.
i don't want you to cry.
i want you to be strong.
i want to face this bravely.
but i can't.
call me a damn coward.
but if you knew what's really going on right now,
you would understand me.
i'm going through all these all over again.
i'm feeling all this all over again.
there's so much to think,
but there's a limit to the decisions i can make.
and i don't want to compromise our feelings.
there's so much of us in the air,
i'm choking.
----
I'M SORRY.

-if its a perfect picture you're asking,
that's not what you're getting.

broken

2006-07-20T19:21:00.000+08:00

i can't take it anymore.
can you?
there's so much to do,
but no one's just giving you time to prepare.
what rush.
oral exam was crappy too.
i just wished everything would be over soon.
this fiasco that i've made a fool of myself in.
hah.
life.

what's more to say?
when the world's spinning it's day away.
i'm in my little small world.
spinning my little small fantasies.
thinking of the little small characters,
that has made my life a disaster.
what's more to do?
when my dream have torned apart.
i'm just holding onto the parts that hasn't disappeared.
hoping now that you would come along to piece me back.
but you never would,
would you?
i'm of no importance anymore.
am i?
she means more to you in the world than me.
what am i, compared to her?
a mere being with no reason to be living.
you've made a grave mistake.
but it'll take you forever to see it.
i'll follow in those foot steps that seems too familiar.
but what more can i do, or say?
nothing.
because its destined to be this way.
to fall in love and to be hurt.
this should be the ultimate direction my life is leading me too.
i'm not going to lose hope.
i believe in you,
even if the believe is just a mere atom.
i still do, believe.

i don't understand what i'm going through,
there must be a plan that led me to you.
because the hurt just disappears,
in every moment that you are near.
just like an answered prayer,
you made the loneliness east to bear.

-there's a million blessings you can give.

damn all the cockroaches in the world!

2006-07-11T21:37:00.000+08:00

arrgh!!! ARRGH!!
i hate cockroaches!!! i hate hate HATE HATE!!!
i can't believe mdm lenny did that!!!
I HATE COCKROACHES!!!
sooooOOOoooOOOoo embarrasing can!!!!!!
i can't believe it!!!!!!!!!
BLEAH.

I HATE COCKROACHES!!!
DIE!
DIE!
DIE!

i can't believe mdm lenny actually waved that darn cockroach in my face. arrgh!!!!!
and i can't believe i cried.
arrgh!!!!
SO PAI SEI!!!!!
im supposed to be strong and daring!!!
how i can i be scared of a freaking FAKE cockroach?!?!?!
WAHHH!!!!!
i can still feel it's freaking feelers on my freaking arms.
ARRGH!!!!!
i'm so gonna get nightmares. NO!!!
)):

-i'm selfish.
but it only means im human.

s'il suffisait d'aimer

2006-07-04T22:02:00.000+08:00

i've grown to love this song.
like i loved you.

Je reve son visage, je decline son corps
Et puis je l'imagine habitant mon decor
J'aurais tant a lui dire si j'avais su parler
Comment lui faire lire au fond de mes pensees?

Mais comment font ces autres a qui tout reussit?
Qu'on me dise mes fautes, mes chimeres aussi
Moi j'offrirais mon ame, mon coeur et tout mon temps
Mais j'ai beau tout donner, tout n'est pas suffisant

S'il suffisait qu'on s'aime, s'il suffisait d'aimer
Si l'on changeait les choses un peu, rien qu'en aimant donner
S'il suffisait qu'on s'aime, s'il suffisait d'aimer
Je ferais de ce monde un reve, une eternite

J'ai du sang dans mes songes, un petale seche
Quand des larmes me rongent que d'autres ont versees
La vie n'est pas etanche, mon ile est sous le vent
Les portes laissent entrer les cris meme en fermant

Dans un jardin l'enfant, sur un balcon des fleurs
Ma vie paisible ou j'entends battre tous les coeurs
Quand les nuages foncent, presages des malheurs
Quelles armes repondent aux pays de nos peurs?

S'il suffisait qu'on s'aime, s'il suffisait d'aimer
Si l'on changeait les choses un peu, rien qu'en aimant donner
S'il suffisait qu'on s'aime, s'il suffisait d'aimer
Je ferais de ce monde un reve, une eternite

S'il suffisait qu'on s'aime, s'il suffisait d'aimer
Si l'on changeait les choses un peu, rien qu'en aimant donner
S'il suffisait qu'on s'aime, s'il suffisait d'aimer
Je ferais de ce monde un reve, une eternite

S'il suffisait qu'on s'aime, s'il suffisait d'aimer
Si l'on changeait les choses un peu, rien qu'en aimant donner
S'il suffisait qu'on s'aime, s'il suffisait d'aimer
Je ferais de ce monde un reve, une eternite

S'il suffisait qu'on s'aime, s'il suffisait d'aimer
Si l'on pouvait changer les choses et tout recommencer
S'il suffisait qu'on s'aime, s'il suffisait d'aimer
Nous ferions de ce reve un monde
S'il suffisait d'aimer

relaxations my ass.

2006-07-04T21:34:00.000+08:00

today was rather,
relaxing,
for once.
i dunno.
but lately, lessons have been..
alright.
maybe not all the time,
but the liveliness of the class is somewhat back.
and i'm glad.
but we're slacking.
kinda.
the class ain't doing so well now.
but we'll come back.
im sure we will.
we're strong.
we can overcome any obstacles that come our way.
I'M SURE WE CAN 3E3!
though all the bloody projects are scaring the hell out of me,
and tests are already set for weeks to come.
i know we'll come out of this alive,
not without setbacks,
but we'll survive.
anyway.
i'm screwed.
so screwed. i just hope that all that won't be worse after all these.
the team's now so...
Screwed.
seriously.
i can't think of a better word.
the whole world seems to have given up hope on us.
even ourselves.
is there anything else i can say to change this?
is there another reason why i should believe?
everything's our fault,
we can only take the blame,
for we have no explanation why.
but we have to?
i don't feel that spark in the team anymore.
trainings are just..
a come and go thing that we've grown to accept as:
must do.
i just wish everything didn't actually turn out like that.
but kukuku!!
wishing brings you no where.
it just takes you to an imaginary "perfect" place.
alright.
enough said.
come on team.
they might give up on us,
but we can't give up on ourselves.
because i'm still holding on.
and there's a reason deep down in that heart of yours,
telling you that all this while,
no matter what bloody scoldings you've been through.
the team's there for you.
i love you.
bloody hell, i do.

all i can do now is hold my breath
and pray that the bruise goes away
i hate you for what you've done
and you've disgusted me so much
i just wish that i didn't believe like so
i just hope it'll stop hurting like that
you disgust me.

-obstacles are the
frightful things that
you see when you
fail to focus
on your goals.

i love you.

2006-07-03T21:26:00.000+08:00

all this time i've been away,
all i wish is just to say,
that i love you.

-beauty is in the eye of the beholder.